We have to talk about…Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Just how culpable is the ‘insufferable’ British actress in the box office flop that is Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny? Many believe she had a big part to play in its failure and that she’s now box-office poison.

The carpet blaggers:

On 26 June 2023 I was watching a live stream of the Indy 5 London premiere. In truth, it wasn’t the most exciting of red carpets, but with the camera trained on Sky’s interviewer throughout, it felt like you were there, standing just behind her.

Strangely for a premiere, most of the people she interviewed sounded a lot less enthusiastic about the film than she did, most notably its superannuated star, eighty-year-old Harrison Ford. One felt for him having to respond to one inane question after another, before being prodded and shushed to do the same a meter or so down the line with another TV crew.

Listening to a number of these interviews, one thing stood out to me: everyone talked about the importance of going to see this movie in the theatre. It was almost as if their careers depended on it.

The last cast member to appear before the cameras was Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the least known member of the Indy 5 crew. Now my only previous exposure of the 38-year-old British actress was her appearing in the 2021 video for Harry Styles’ Treat People With Kindness.

I loved that video, which was a throwback to the song and dance numbers of the 1920’s and I had no issue with Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s ‘silent’ performance in it.

Even so, I was very surprised when I learnt she’d be starring alongside Harrison Ford in the latest instalment of the Indiana Jones franchise. That said, I didn’t think much more about it until I saw her at the London premiere.

A towering presence:

My first reaction was how tall and gangly she was, towering over most people on the carpet. I learnt later that she’s a statuesque 5ft 10 (176.5cm) and was wearing 10.5cm heels!

The outfit she was wearing didn’t help. The lattice gown and floor length cape — by Saudi couture label Ashi Studios — only emphasised her loftiness and the fact she has no curves whatsoever.

When she approached the camera and you saw her face, it revealed quite how unattractive she is for a leading lady. She reminded me of Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of Windsor, who was far from a beauty.

There’s no question that Phoebe Waller-Bridge is far from a beauty. How many actresses, for example, would be described as having a “woodpecker nose”? Well, that’s exactly what Vex Electronica said about her on 2 July 2023.

And then there’s the elephant in the room, the prominent pear-shaped mole on the left side of her forehead. Previously, she’d always styled her hair over one side so it was hidden, but now — when all eyes were on her, at Indy 5’s London premiere— her hair was slicked back. Of course she could have used make up to conceal it, but the fact she chose not to was revealing.

Oh so awkward:

Whilst I’ve said a lot of disparaging things about her appearance, some may say that’s not the biggest issue they have with Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Looks aside, her acting skills in Indy 5 have been heavily criticised. She’s a really awkward actress, something she herself has even admitted to:

“I’ve always been a lanky, gangly kind of awkward physical person.”

Swords and Starships picked up on those traits on 5 July 2023:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a nerd. She’s gangly. She has bad posture. She’s goofy-looking. She runs weird. She has zero athletic ability. She is doing action sequences in this that are the least convincing I think I’ve ever seen.”

There’s also no doubt Indy 5 is heading to become a huge failure for both Disney and LucasFilm. Of course there are differing views as to its box office collapse, but a common assertion is one of the biggest reasons was the inclusion of — yes, you guessed it — Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Many, especially the die-hard fans, dislike her character and her role in the movie.

A Bridge too far:

And it transpires, that role went beyond simply playing Indiana Jones’ god daughter, as she played a big part in the story development of her character. Whilst she didn’t write any dialogue, her suggested changes to the original story were greenlit by its director, James Mangold, and its beleaguered executive producer, Kathleen Kennedy.

The intention was for her character, Helena Shaw, to go onto replace Harrison Ford as the franchises leading woman. As such, there was clearly a lot riding on Indy 5 being a big success and audiences warming to the actress. Neither came to pass.

And following the movie’s poor performance at the box office and the recriminations that followed, it’s now highly unlikely that another Indy film, let alone one starring Phoebe Waller-Bridge, will ever happen.

An insufferable character:

In today’s social media-driven world, traditional film review platforms like TV and newspapers have largely been eclipsed by YouTubers and other word-of-mouth ‘influencers’. As well as the movie itself, one thing almost all of them have agreed upon is their dislike for Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Indeed, there’s hardly been a nice word said about her.

On 3 July 2023, Greg Owen had this to say:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a sarcastic, condescending asshole and she gets tiresome real fast. She’s probably the worst part of Indy 5 because her tone doesn’t mesh with this kind of movie.”

And he didn’t stop there:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge is not a sex symbol. That’s OK. But this movie needs you to know everybody is into her, she’s the superstar and she’s strong and independent. She’s an excellent example of how Hollywood thinks a strong female character is really just a toxic guy but with boobs. She’s a character you begin hating about two minutes after she comes on screen!”

The Critical Drinker agreed, saying

“Helena Shaw is the worst thing in Indiana 5.”

On the same day, Mike Zeroh said:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Helena was very much an insufferable character in this film.”

Speaking to a Sky reporter at the London premiere, Phoebe Waller-Bridge appeared to express her own surprise, either for getting the role or for being able to influence the movie’s storyline, saying:

“I couldn’t believe I was allowed to do it!”

On 3 July 2023, Dark Eye was saying much the same:

“As for Phoebe Waller-Bridge, I don’t know what Hollywood and specifically LucasFilms see in her. I’ve been told by several people she used to be funny when she starred in Fleabag, but having never seen it, it’s impossible for me to confirm or deny. All I can really speak of is what I’ve seen of her since. And that is she seems to be box office poison. And here that trend is continuing.”

When it comes to Phoebe Waller-Bridge, one word keeps recurring and that is insufferable. Dark Eye put it this way:

“She’s flat-out insufferable, yet they constantly play her off as the hottest woman in the room.”

On 4 July 2023, Mike Zeroh had this to say:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge is the insufferable annoying character that really brings down Indiana 5. A lot of you who’ve seen the movie are saying to me that maybe it wouldn’t be quite as bad if she was completely written and axed out of this film and had no actual involvement in the story whatsoever.”

Fairy Poo put it this way:

“Phoebe Waller-Bridge has a style of acting and a certain kind of humour that she does in every project. She seems to be a bit of a one trick pony.”

A failure of epic proportions:

Whilst she is certainly not the sole reason for the vitriol towards the movie, she and Kathleen Kennedy are the pair most commonly blamed for its failure. Many even question why the movie was ever made, claiming it was something that after Crystal Skull, no one ever wanted. It was a view echoed by many, including Ginger Zombie:

“The worst thing about the movie is that it exists.”

And that’s something Disney shareholders almost certainly agree with.

According to World Class Bullshitters on 3 July 2023:

“Indy 5 cost a mind-boggling $300m plus, much higher than the $250m that was originally leaked.”

That puts it in the Top 10 of the most expensive films ever.

As Mike Zeroh said on 16 July 2023, it’s “a failure of epic proportions.”

On 16 July 2023, The Hollywood Handle was reporting that Indy 5 had crossed $300 million at the worldwide box office. Despite this, there’s a long way to go to recoup its huge marketing costs and just break even. Some are even speculating it’s on track to lose up to $250 million!

Apparently, its high cost was caused by the stop/start production due to Covid and Harrison Ford’s much publicised shoulder injury. Whilst rehearsing a fight scene, he pulled the subcapularis muscle off his right shoulder, which side-lined him for at least two months.

“I’m known for shutting movies down because I get hurt, which is not something you want to be known for. But hey, shit happens!”

As a result, the original release date of July 2021 kept getting pushed back, first to July 2022 and then ultimately to July 2023.

Another contributory factor were huge fees for the likes of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford himself, who reportedly received somewhere between $20 and $25 million for playing Indy one last time.

How much Phoebe Waller-Bridge received isn’t known, but what is certain is it wasn’t money well spent.

As Mike Zeroh said:

“The majority of the board at Disney want Phoebe Waller-Bridge out of any future Disney projects. Period. The end. After realising that she literally tainted the fifth Indy film and even the Hans Solo film. Behind closed doors Disney wants nothing to do with Phoebe Waller-Bridge no more.”

So it comes as no surprise that it’s been reported she’d been jettisoned from no less than four Disney-related projects.

Despite this, Phoebe Waller-Bridge wasn’t going down without a fight. On 16 July 2023, Mike Zeroh reported that — not for the first time — the British actress was vigorously defending the movie, bigging up her own role, while blaming its box office problems on the fans:

“Well obviously this is a great film, so I don’t think us not meeting our box office expectations necessarily means this is a poor film creatively. I think we were just dealing with negative word of mouth from a bunch of fake fans that didn’t want us to succeed.”

She then added:

“This film obviously offends those who are not in support of diversity, equality and female leads.”

On 17 July 2023, Mike Zeroh was reporting once more on new comments by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. First she again hyped up the movie:

“This film is a masterpiece by Mangold and I was so happy to have the opportunity of being involved in the storytelling process when he was developing the script.”

Then she praised her own role in it:

“Helena Shaw, my character, is really the star of this film, but Indy is along for the ride.”

Before finally urging fans to go see it in theatres:

“All these naysayers and haters are not real fans, they’re just posers who don’t care about the Indy franchise. You need to see it for yourself.”

A dead end:

Despite all the pleas, far fewer than expected went to see the film. As a result, it’s on track to lose a fortune. According to a 15 August 2023 article in Variety, it could lose upwards of $100m!

With a worldwide gross of $375m it’s roughly half of the $789m that the last Indy movie, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, earned globally.

YouTube channel Giant Freakin Robot put it like this:

“With a whopping $294.7 million production cost, excluding marketing, it stands as the priciest in the Indiana Jones series and ranks among the costliest films ever produced.”

As Variety noted, “The franchise has hit a dead end.” They went on to blame its producer for its woes:

“The Kathleen Kennedy curse continues. It seems as though any film, with her name stamped on it as producer turns toxic.”

However in the comments, a Variety reader saw things a little differently:

“I think it would be more accurate to say Phoebe Waller-Bridge killed the Indiana Jones franchise stone dead rather than trying to save it.”

“What should have been a light-hearted final romp for the titular hero, ended up being a Mary Sue epic for a pointless character and a lacklustre actress.”

Postscript:

On 26 December 2023, the BBC published its 15 celebrity flops and fails of the year. At No 3 was Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. It said the movie cost a reported $300m to make and, when you add marketing costs, it would have needed to make at least double that just to break even. But it took only $383m worldwide, well below expectations for a major franchise, with The Guardian declaring it a “summer flopbuster” as the previous Indy film made $790m.

About the author: Based in Sussex-by-the-Sea, on England’s south coast, Gary is a creative writer and image-maker. He specialises in creating out of the ordinary portraits of musicians and people with interesting faces, as well as photographing some of the world’s finest flowers and gardens, not forgetting an array of automotive exotica.

On the writing side, he has used his research skills to author deep dives into some noteworthy songs beginning with Bryan Ferry’s ‘These Foolish Things’ ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials, ‘Real Wild Child’ by Ivan and ‘All The Young Dudes’ by Mott the Hoople.

He has also written a biography of Robert Palmer and the stories behind Whitesnake’s blatant Led Zep rip-off, ‘Still Of The Night’, Harry Styles’ anthem to positivity, ‘Treat People With Kindness’ and the little known Queen track ‘Cool Cat.’

Most recently, Gary has penned the fascinating story behind George Orwell’s dystopian novel ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four.’ as well as ‘Believe It Or Not’ a look into the rise of fake news.

All these can be found here on Medium, along with his reviews of gigs and events and chats with musicians including the likes of Royal Blood, Joe Satriani and Wolf Alice.