We have to talk about…Man Utd’s calamity in Copenhagen
There are plenty of crazy football games, but the manner in which United lost to FC Copenhagen in the Champions League was crazier than most.
I didn’t watch this game live, as I was watching Arsenal beat Seville, but having just seen the highlights I felt compelled to put what happened at the Parken into words, because honestly you couldn’t have scripted a madder football match than this one. It literally had everything: an early goal scored by a returning hero, a sending off, two penalties, a last gasp winner by a 17 year old substitute and of course plenty of controversial VAR decisions. And, if that wasn’t enough, the game was also interrupted by a pitch invader.
United’s beleagured Dutch manager Erik Ten Haag is having a torrid time right now, his team beset by numerous injuries, multiple player controversies and seeming unable to win more than one game on the trot, not to mention the ongoing issue with the Glazer’s and the uncertainty of who will own the club going forward.
As the season progresses, Ten Haag seems to be just one defeat away from the sack, a manager who appears to have lost the proverbial dressing room and unable to inspire his team with anything resembling a winning mentality.
So let’s replay their performance against Copenhagen, arguably the weakest side in the group, using the words of the match commentator, TNT Sports’ Adam Summerton alongside those of United fan Mark Goldbridge on his YouTube channel.
The game could not have got off to a better start for the Red Devils:
3' Hojlund scores for United after just 171 seconds
“What a start this is for United! Turned in by Rasmus Hojlund. They couldn’t have wished for a better beginning to this match. Three minutes gone, one nil Manchester United.”
11' Copenhagen’s first shot
“There’s the first shot on target for Copenhagen, but it’s an easy save for Onana.”
27' Hojlund scores his second for United.
“Hojlund’s there, to get his second of the night. Manchester United double their lead. A swift counter-attack. Back in Copenhagen, he’s loving this competition!”
At this point, Mark Goldbridge on his The United Stand watchalong is saying:
“Rasmus! Rasmus! Rasmus! It’s probably game over here already! United lead two-nil and I tell you what, it’s comfortable, it’s very, very comfortable.”
42' Hojlund shoots wide of the goal and VAR alerts referee Donatas Rumsas of a potential red card incident involving United striker, Marcus Rashford and Copenhagen’s Elias Jelert earlier in the move.
“Hojlund’s on a hat trick, steaming through here. There’s an ongoing check for a potential red card here. He’s gone to protect the ball, but as we can all see his studs on the shin. It’s gonna be a red. So having returned to the side tonight Rashford is red-carded.”
43' Rashford is shown a straight red card for dangerous play. United are down to ten with a couple of minutes of the first half still to play.
“This is a disgrace! I don’t believe it! I don’t bloody believe it!” screams Mark Goldbridge. “The problem is where he puts his foot. The more I watch it, the more I’m going why does he put his foot there?”
44' Copenhagen almost score, but hit the bar.
“The ball’s whipped in by Goncalves, but hits the frame of the goal. So close to getting one back there!”
“A game we were cruising in, is suddenly looking very, very dubious” says Goldbridge.
45' Copenhagen score 1:2
“It’s turned in. It’s Elyounoussi. Copenhagen have a route back into this game, It’s the former Southampton man who has given it to them. A minute after Rashford’s red card, Copenhagen have one back.”
“They’ve scored for fucks sake! This is a bloody disaster! It’s going all wrong! This is United all over!” yells Goldbridge
Now playing 13 minutes of extra time
9' of extra time: Penalty to Copenhagen awarded by VAR for a handball by Lukas Lerager
“Goncalves the number 9 is in the box. Penalty! He’s given it. In added time, it’s a penalty to Copenhagen! At the end of this first half, the referee’s spotted a handball and Copenhagen are going to have the chance to equalise from the spot. It’s a Maguire handball I think.”
“He’s given a penalty now! Oh my fucking god! What’s going on? We were two nil up, but it’s going to be two two at half time. Who’s refereeing these games? Stevie fucking Wonder? Oh, handball, there’s two handballs there. I think it was a penalty.” says an exasperated Goldbridge
45'+9' Copenhagen equalise from the penalty spot
“Goncalves scores! Brilliant penalty and how this game has changed. They were two nil down, it’s two two now in the Danish capital. What an unbelievable game football is!”
65' “They’re saying there was a hand used there. United players are shouting at the referee.”
VAR review potential penalty check
“The referee’s decision is coming…It’s a penalty!”
“Penalty to United! Here we go!” says Goldbridge
69' United score from the spot to make it 2:3
“The captain to restore the lead. Fernandez…scores for Manchester United. He emphatically blasted that one home. He hit that like he meant it.”
70' A celebrating Garnacho ‘shooshes’ the Copenhagen fans.
“And with just 20 minutes to go, the ten men of Manchester United are in front. What a penalty!”
“Get in! Bruno, three two! Now we’ve got something to hold onto.” says an elated Goldbridge
82' “There are plenty of white shirts in there for Copenhagen.”
83' Lerager equalises for Copenhagen 3:3
“Oh great ball from Copenhagen. Lerager was in there and it’s all square! Lucas Lerager arriving at the back post almost unnoticed. What a game this is! Three three.”
“Oh for fucks sake! That’s a bloody joke! I hate this bloody game! Fucking hell!” says Goldbridge
86' “Roony Bardghji taken on Maguire, what an opportunity that was!”
87' Copenhagen score 4:3
“Another cross in. Roony Bardghji. It’s the teenager who’s put them in front for the first time in the game with three minutes to go. What a turnaround! Wow!”
“How’s that even happened? Four fucking goals we’ve conceded! bemoans a totally bemused Goldridge
“All eyes on the referee who blows the final whistle. It’s a calamity in Copenhagen for Manchester United, a major setback in their hopes of qualification.”
United now sit bottom of Group A. With two matches left, they have three points, one point behind Galatasaray and Copenhagen. Their next two games are away to Galatasaray and a home tie against already-qualified Bayern Munich.
Afterwards, Ten Haag reflected on the game:
“We played very good until the red card, but the red card changes everything. And then we conceded two goals which should never have counted. That’s very disappointing. The first is offside and the second, what can you do for that? It’s always hard when you have to play so long with ten men.”
About the author: Based in Sussex-by-the-Sea, on England’s south coast, Gary is a creative writer and image-maker. He specialises in creating out of the ordinary portraits of musicians and people with interesting faces, as well as photographing some of the world’s finest flowers and gardens, not forgetting an array of automotive exotica.
On the writing side, he has used his research skills to author deep dives into some noteworthy songs beginning with Bryan Ferry’s ‘These Foolish Things’ ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials, ‘Real Wild Child’ by Ivan and ‘All The Young Dudes’ by Mott the Hoople.
He has also written a biography of Robert Palmer and the stories behind Whitesnake’s blatant Led Zep rip-off, ‘Still Of The Night’, Harry Styles’ anthem to positivity, ‘Treat People With Kindness’ and the little known Queen track ‘Cool Cat.’
Most recently, Gary has penned the fascinating story behind George Orwell’s dystopian novel ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ as well as ‘Believe It Or Not’ a look into the rise of fake news and his latest essay ‘Nadir: How the cost of living crisis has brought so many in broken Britain to the depths of despair.’
All these can be found here on Medium, along with his reviews of gigs and events and chats with musicians including the likes of Royal Blood, Joe Satriani and Wolf Alice.
